Tea Time Out Reflections – 20/1/19

The benefit of release valves

I’m sure I’m not the only one who gets wound up by a parent. In my case my mum seems to press more buttons than anyone I know. Over the years I have learned to disconnect a lot of the wires from those button, nevertheless, I must admit, there are still a few active. For the past 10 days or so she has been unwell and I have been calling in nearly everyday to check on her. While there I get her messages, try the impossible task of getting her to eat something and tend to her needs.

By Wednesday afternoon those buttons were getting a little overused and I was trying my very best to remain compassionate. I was able to feel how strongly my energy was being thrown off centre. I knew that I owned all these feelings. Therefore, I have the responsibility to get myself back to being me. Thankfully, around 7 weeks ago a good friend introduced me to Embodiment.ie Dance classes held on a Wednesday night. I knew this is exactly what I needed. Within 20 minutes of the class beginning and me letting myself go, all that stress and energy just flowed out of me. I was ecstatic and felt like Sam again. I am so grateful to have found a release valve that works for me.

The need to connect

I was sitting in the Sauna in the Markievicz on Tuesday and there were people chatting away. After the girl left, the room went silent. There we were, 6 men, sitting in a wooden box, within inches of each other. Silence. This is something I witness all the time in public spaces. Jacuzzis, queues, trams, etc. Silence is golden also, nevertheless, it’s also lovely to connect. What was stopping me also, accept me, sitting there thinking about it.

Working in the Tara Building, I feel this is probably why I feel so at home there. I love to connect. It feels really special to be part of the community, a family so to speak, where there is real connection. People being themselves. Willing to open themselves, share, listen and engage. It is a powerful experience. One that I feel humanity needs more of.

Doing my grocery shopping earlier today in Aldi, whilst looking at some meats, a lady showed me a pack of minute steaks and said they’re lovely. We ended chatting about them. She then told me a lovely way to cook them, as seen here. I ended stopping two more times in the shop and talking to her again and thanking her. It reminded me again of the need to connect.

Trust in the will of another

This is a tough one for me. I habitually have up to this stage had an overly motherly and protective nature. Ironically, on a philosophical level I believe that we need to trust in people and allow them to learn from their own mistakes. Although, when it is someone I love, I tend to take on the hardcore guardian angel.

Mum gets into this one also. As my mum is a mature lady now, one might hope that she has the wisdom of the years. Unfortunately, this is not the case. I seem to spend over half my time begging her to eat something. Trying to make her to understand that her diet, or lack there of, is part of what is making her unwell. Blue in the face. Brick wall. I keep telling myself. You can not force your will on another. People have to learn their own way.

We went to see Beautiful Boy on Friday night and there was the message again. (bit of a SPOILER Alert) I really relate to the father in the story, how out of absolute desperation and love, only wants the best for his son. And in some way blames himself. And believes more than anything that he can fix the situation. Until finally he realises and lets go. Then finds solace in the acceptance. That everyone has to find their own will.